REVIEW: Baby wipes effective (despite complicated instructions)

By Eliza Jones | Reviews

Feb 22

“Remove a Facial Cleansing Cloth and gently cleanse your baby’s face. No need to rinse.”

No, no, don’t help me. I think I can handle this. Just let me read those instructions one more time.

Removing a Facial Cleansing Cloth and gently cleansing a baby’s face is not generally my bailiwick, but having been given these new Mustela Facial Cleansing Cloths to try out, I thought I would give it a whirl.

By golly, the instructions were right. No rinsing was necessary and it wiped that creamed corn right off the baby’s drooling mouth. OK, so it wasn’t exactly a baby. It was me.

What can I say? I qualify for AARP. I looove my creamed corn.

After a successful experiment on myself, I tried it out on my newborn niece Beatrix. I am pleased to report that Mustela Facial Cleansing Cloths work just as well on newborn babies as they do on 51-year-old men.

And I must say I appreciate that new baby smell it leaves behind.

The folks at Mustela must appreciate that smell too. They tell me their products feature ingredients for delicate baby (and middle-aged) skins. These ingredients have been tested under dermatological and pediatric supervision.

At least 92 percent of the ingredients are of natural origin and include parabens, phenoxyethanol and phthalates. I guess this is a good thing. To be honest, I never really knew what parabens were before I got the cleansing cloths.

You could have told me parabens were a group of eight-fingered gnomes in the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy, and I would have nodded like I knew what the deuce you were talking about.

Thanks to Wikipedia, I now know that, “Parabens is a term used within the vernacular of the specialty chemicals industry to describe a series of parahydroxybenzoates or esters of parahydroxybenzoic acid (also known as four-hydroxybenzoic acid).”

Well, why didn’t you say so in the first place?

Phthalates — or phthalate esters — are esters of phthalic acid. (Stands to reason.) Beornings, on the other hand, are a group in the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy and having nothing to do with cleansing cloths for babies.

My point here (and I do have one) is that none of these esters of parahydroxybenzoic acid mean anything to us mothers and fathers, aunts and uncles, who just want to wipe the schmutz from the baby’s face.

What we want is a cleansing cloth that gently cleansing the baby’s face, smells nice, and doesn’t involve a whole lot of rinsing. And if all this can be done with 92 percent natural ingredients, so much the better.

Mustela Facial Cleansing Cloths do the job.

Oh, by the way, Mustela also has a PhysiObebe, which sounds like something you can treat with medication, but it’s really a no-rinse cleanser billed as “the perfect one-step clean-up after a long day outdoors enjoying the warmer weather.”

There’s also Mustela Broad Spectrum SPF 50+ Mineral Sunscreen.

All these things reportedly use gentle sufactants (no relation to the beornings) to clean without stripping the natural oils of the skin while minimizing the risk of allergic reactions.

This is good. It will leave your baby as soft and nice smelling as a newborn baby Numenorean (while I will get some kind of prize for the most non sequiters about “Lord of the Rings” ever to appear in a review of baby wipes).